'Cut-Friends'

'Who you lovin' who you wanna be huggin?'

-Lil' Kim

Friends. How many of us have them? No no no..not ‘Nikki, Lil’Reg, Lisa, or Kim and them..’ Nor your poker buddies or your club-crew. I mean the ‘other’ type of friend. The friend that pops-up after the club and disappears before 8am. The friend that remains nameless; the friend that you keep to yourself..and you may only tell Lisa about because Kim talks too damn much. Yea. That friend. The call them when it’s 3:35am, you had several Tequila shots and you realized you have no one waiting for you between the sheets. The fun friend. The jump-off. The slide. The mistress. The mister-ess. The mystery. The side-piece. The d*ck-in-a-glass. The piece of ass. The ‘lil thang.’ Or, dare I say it? The ‘bust-it-baby?’ (Lord, help us).

'When the starting line-up ain't playin right, I come off the bench wit' her.'

-Fabolous

They may be special; they may be worthless; but they equally serve their purpose: and it isn’t your man and it’s not your lady. It seems like a universally accepted notion in the modern adult-world. When I was a little younger, and naive to the harsh realities of modern sexuality, I used to think sex without being emotionally and romantically tied was crazy. No ring? No-thing. ‘Friends with benefits? Huh?’ Yea. People do it: (literally) all of the time. I never knew a woman with any type of self-respect would accept a man under those terms. Just get it on and chit-chat and that’s that? Yup. That’s it. As I got older and more exposed to the ways of the world, I realized that people DO engage in those type of arrangements. Having friends and hearing their stories, hearing rumors, and even seeing my Uncle 'creep' with his mistress behind his wife's back. Side-pieces and sexual friends are as common as regular old bf's and gf's.

‘I’m not tryna’ give you love and affection..I’m tryna give you sixty-seconds of affection.’

-Jay-Z

This is nothing new. For centuries, concubines, mistresses and sexual 'flings' have been around. Now, it's just openly accepted and gives people a little more comfort in participating. Even musicians have been crooning about jump-off’s for a while now. ‘Secret Lovers; As We Lay; I Need You Tonight; Me and Mrs. Jones’-any of those ring a bell? While we have those traditional love songs about monogamy, matrimony, break-ups, and make-ups, it isn’t always so ‘picturesque’ in the world of romance..or should I say: sexin.’ We all are guilty of it-having that animalistic attraction to someone, while in that commitment to another, and having to fight temptation. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Some people deviate outside of their 'commitments' to get whatever they are not getting at home-be it affection, attention, or just conversation. Any need can be easily be taken care of by another. Those of us who don’t have that special someone, yet have those ‘gaps’ to fill, will venture out in search of the ‘quick fix.’ But, not TOO quick-because there are also songs about the disappointingly short ‘rendezvous.’ (Minute-man?)

‘If he knew the things I did, he couldn’t handle it.’

- TLC

There are ways of categorizing each and every person we have in our social circles. The 'cut-friend’ category was created for those somewhat significant people who we have some type of attraction to and take some liking for-but, both parties know that going past anything physical, just won’t work. One or both 'cutters' may already have a stable relationship; or, a cut-friend can literally be a good friend but there’s no desire for deeper commitment; you just have sex on occasion-and go about your business, living a single lifestyle-maybe even confiding in this person about other romantic interests. It's amazing. Mind body and spirit are separated in these arangements. There is the primary component of the physical and it may vary from case to case if the ‘mind’ and ‘spirit’ are intertwined in the mix. The other factors may complicate things-especially if one participant experiences the mind or the spirit more strongly than the other. Better known as ‘catching feelings’ -which can ruin the entire arrangement.

'Keep it on the down-low, nobody has to know'

-R. Kelly

So who does it? Who actually has ‘cut-friends?’ I sent questions out to a few of my close friends to get their take on the ‘cut-friend.’ Here is what they had to say:

What is a ‘cut-friend’?
‘In most cases "cut-friends" are 2 people who are afraid of having the boyfriend/girlfriend title. In turn, that relationship (cut-friends) becomes exclusive'

What’s the difference between a ‘prospect’ and a ‘jump-off?’
'Well a jump is someone u jus wanna mess wit but wouldn’t consider them ever to be a girl..whereas a prospect is just that'

‘Ummm well a jump situation is usually both ways..people who wanna fuck wit no strings..'

What is a mistress?

'A mistress is Delilah. She provide’s what Delilah gave Sampson-when a nigga want to just talk- she just listens. A main chick trying to build with you..like..let’s buy this house.. A mistress make it uncomplicated-it's more just sensual..let' talk. or let's suck... It's very to the point'

'They only the same as a mistress if u have a girl at the time...and they cool..u would mess wit them but never wife them up..'

Damn, is fidelity just non-existant? These responses made me wonder: what happened to honesty and true love? Commitment? I know the concept of creeping has been around since Biblical times, but I don't think it was this bad. Things have definately changed.

People just do whatever the hell they want to, and it's generally OK. From sexually exploring other guy's girlfriends to getting pregnant by married men: what a wicked place the romantic world can be! Just think about potential consequences. AIDS is a killer, Karma is a bitch and even R. Kelly got his ass whooped and stranded in the desert for 'jumping-off' with Mr. Bigg's girl.

Is it worth it...?