Top 8 Mistakes Single Chicks Make

So, after a pondering session about single-womanhood (yes, another one)  I felt compelled to share what I have learned about men- more so, how single women fuck up when it comes to them.

I compiled this list based on my own stupid mistakes, Steve Harvey’s impeccable advice, observing some of my ‘thirsty’ homegirls that have repeatedly played themselves (mad hard), rap music, & my homeboys who sometimes forget that I am actually a woman and share TMI. And yes, I definitely capitalize on it (shout-out to Ofi).

So, let’s get started:

1.  You’re Giving up the Ass (too soon)

‘Sistas' give up the ass. Bitches give up the ass. Sistas' do it slow- Bitches do it fast.'
-Jay-Z

Now, you should know better. If you really like a guy, this is the one biggest mistake you can make too early on. I have multiple girlfriends that have done this dumb shit (on several occasions) and guess what? They’re still single. This is just reckless on multiple levels. And although it may feel good- if you want to  progress, then you simply cannot do this.

Think about it: why would a man want to make you his girl if you gave it up without even knowing his birthday? Of course he won't assume that he is 'different'- he will think that you easily give up the goods, on a normal basis (even if you don't). Us women are all guilty of mentally ‘jumping the gun’ when we meet a good ‘candidate’- but we must control our urges.

And let me tell you something else: ALL MEN WILL TRY. Even good guys. Even church-boys. Hell, even gay-dudes. Seriously! It is in their nature. All men will try to have sex with you, as early and as easily as YOU make it possible. Which brings me to my next point-

You can’t make it easy.

Girl, you are trippin'

Look at yourself as a prize. If you award someone the gold-medal only 30 seconds into the race, they don’t really have to work for it. And guess what- they’ll stop running. Why run if you got the medal? Vagina is literally (and sadly) the prize. Ladies- you gotta’ make him earn it. Jay-Z said it best. Be a self-respecting sister. Make that man take you out and prove that he’s ‘in it to win it’ before you go pulling down your panties.

2.       You’re THIRSTY.

This shit right here will never get you a husband. I can’t tell you how many of my close guy friends (and I have several) have said:

‘She was cool..but shorty was just moving too fast..saying she ready to get married and have kids..I ain’t ready for all of that..’

First of all, why are you bringing up kids if he’s not even your man yet? Why are you so thirsty? Girl, did you even meet his Mom? If not, what would possess you to think that he even wants you to be his ‘wifey’ (let alone his wife)?

Please. Drink this and keep your dignity intact. 

Of course, we all have our ‘eggs’ to worry about. Yes, I know. I have them too. But, come on- the key to scaring a nigga off is to enforce this conversation too early on in the courting phase. Just chill the fuck out. Have met his mom (at least) before you even think that you can bring up your future with him. So give it time before you start looking at Modern Bride magazine and Theknot.com. You might get dumped next week for all you know.

3.       You Ignore the Obvious

' I haven't spoken to him in a week. He been so busy.'

Oh gosh. Some chicks literally have no dignity. They will hound a nigga down, looking at green-glimmers of non-existent hope, as opposed to looking to what’s real: his actions.  Observe the following:

Clues that a man IS digging you:

1.       He calls you

2.       He takes you on dates

3.       He is consistent (with the calls, texts, communication, dates)

4.       He isn’t bbming when you ARE on a date

5.       He makes time for you even when he is busy

Clues that a man is NOT digging you:

1.       He doesn’t call you

2.       He doesn’t take you on dates

3.       He is inconsistent

4.       He bbms on the rare occasions when you DO see his punk-ass

5.       He is ALWAYS ‘too busy’

Honestly, if Barack can make time for Michelle, then any man on God's green Earth should be able to make time for you. 

If you decide to overlook these clues, then, I guess you are just plain stupid.Men will do the things on list 1- and if he does things from list 2, then you need to follow Jennifer Williams’ advice and ‘keep it moving.’

Yes, YOU. Keep it movin'

4.       You Have No Standards

‘Don’t make someone a priority that makes you an option.’

If you don’t know your worth, then nobody else will. Especially a man. Lack of self-esteem will lead you to the acceptance of no-good, broke-ass, two-timing loser’s bullshit. Lack of self-esteem will have you meeting dudes at 2am because he’s always ‘busy.’ Lack of self-esteem will have YOU paying for dinner. No self-esteem will have you dating a married man. Uh-uh. This is a reflection of LOW-STANDARDS. 

This shit is totally unacceptable. When you have no standards in place, then you have no filter. And, with no filter, you will have a polluted population of bullshit men clouding your space. So set your bar higher, boo-boo. If he cannot pay for the meal, doesn’t call you, can’t keep a stable job, doesn’t speak to you appropriately, curses at his mom, sells dope off the iPhone, has (mad)  kids, has a girlfriend, has a boyfriend , then PAUSE. Literally.

You will get choked out in just about any country for messing with another woman's husband.

You have a choice: accept bullshit or accept real shit. Get a dude that is on your level and/or higher –or  else, be prepared to take off your earrings to fight his baby’s mother.

5.       You’re Frontin’

‘You should stop frontin’- Pharrell Williams

So obviously, not all things that us women have are ‘real.’ (I can certainly attest to this) We do shit to enhance our beauty; appear more attractive- weave, make-up, fake boobs, girdles, false lashes, you get the point. Cool. This is all perfectly normal.

BUT- you should never pretend to be someone that you’re not. The same way that a chick can see through a fake-ass dude, a real ass dude can see through a fake-ass chick. Feel me? Granted, there is a time and place for everything. However, when you meet a man, make sure that you are being yourself. We far too often ‘curb’ who we really are and compromise our preferences, to please a man. If he can’t accept your heavy accent, your dislike of cigarette smoke, your loud obnoxious laugh, your cursing, your temper-tantrums, your taste in music then guess what? He’s probably not for you. Get a man who is willing to handle you so you can stop pretending to be ‘her.’ Be who you are and be proud of it. 

I mean, how long are you going to ‘act’ like you’re someone else? – you are not Halle Berry.

Only one me- sorry.

6.       You’re Too Damn ‘Nice’

‘I don’t want it if it’s that easy’- Tupac Shakur

Men need a challenge. Men need a challenge. Men need a challenge. Men need a challenge. You get the point. If you’re over accommodating then you’re not providing him with the difficulty that he needs. Men want to pursue. They need to feel like they 'won' you- kind of like a sport .  They are competitive by nature- so if you're too damn nice all the time then you become a bore. It may also seem like you’re a push-over and you lack back-bone- very unattractive.

You know what we do when a guy is ‘too nice.’ We run! He could be the best man in the universe- send you roses, call you daily, nightly, and says everything that you want to hear- gives you no resistance. And you will probably end up dodging his ass like raindrops.

So, don’t be too nice. Tell his ass “NO” sometimes. If you don’t want to go to a movie, say that shit!  If he was late and didn’t call, tell his ass not to let it happen again. If he turns you off when he’s too drunk, let him know. Guys respect honesty- and you can’t sugarcoat everything. If he can’t handle you keeping it real, then in the words of my favorite comedian, Martin Lawrence-

“Fuck em’ girl. Fuck em’!”

7.       You’re Still THIRSTY.

‘Shawty badder than a 3 year-old.’ –Lil’ Wayne

As you can tell from the duplication and re-iteration of my frustration with thirstation, as a single lady, your vibe must be of confidence- and a confident woman is not thirsty. Because she simply knows that she is ‘The Shit.’

Let’s be clear: a man wants a BAD BITCH. A bad-bitch doesn’t have to call a guy every single day. A bad-bitch knows how to fall-back and let the man call HER. A bad-bitch has a certain mentality. A bad-bitch knows her worth. A bad-bitch is not thirsty.

So, if you want to be a bad-bitch, you can’t show too much. Don’t give too much. Excessive texts, expression of interest, photos, phone-calls- all this shit will not make you more desirable. It actually REPELS men. Guys really hate thirsty bitches. So if you’re ‘trying too hard’ then you need to really check-yourself and fall back. This forces HIM to step to the plate.

So which one are you?

Do I look 'thirsty' to you?

8.       You Have Nothing to Offer.

‘Drop down and get your eagle on girl’- Nelly

Yup- drop down and get your eagle on if you’re living with your mom, you have a dead-end job, you club every weekend, you’re always trying to get tricked on, you’re solely concerned with your looks  and you have no goals - then, you are indeed a BIRD BITCH. When you talk, feathers will probably come out and all you are good for is laying eggs.

Any real woman will have ‘her own.’ A job, an education, money. The same things that women want a man to have (job, education, money) a man wants YOU to have. If you have nothing other than a vagina to offer then what makes you so special?

Independence is sexy. 


You are your own being- with a heart, a mind, interests, dreams, talent and a plan. A man wants a woman who has ambition or at least a plan and does something with herself.

A man only wants a bird for ONE thing. Figure it out.

You know how WE do..

Table for One.



Over green tea and sushi, he was steady on my mind.

I even order tiramisu -just to pass the fucking time.

I contemplate the glorious date that I would finally make him mine.

But I know he’s busy in New York- on his paper-chasing grind.

I continue sipping my tea- I hear extraneous table chatter.

Thinking how loose Americans can be-  control of a geriatric bladder.

I take another sip of tea- dismayed by the empty seat.

Imagining how it would be, if he were sitting across from me.

I’d probably be smiling- admiring his lips.

We’d share the dragon roll & discuss exotic cuisine tips.

The purity of his smile - to me is better than the food

Such a precense is enough to elevate my somber mood.

I reflect back on that day- just about two weeks ago-

A hot and early Sunday evening. Looking hot from head to toe.

Just a chance happening- a moment suspended in time.

When we crossed West 4th street- secretly I hoped he’d drop a line.

There was something in his eyes- pure as piano chimes-

Played by an 8 year-old- like a recital at Christmas time.

I take another sip of tea. Take a survey of what they see-

My crazy hair; an empty chair

The waiter is probably thinking

‘Why is she the only one sitting there?’

But I don’t care. Is what it is. Yes, I’m alone up in this bitch.

With more than hunger for tuna rolls-  a gaping gap within my soul-

I want to say his name with passion. I want him to make my knees shake.

I want to put this love on him like a seismic earthquake.

Want to hear his voice, daily. Love him hard. Love him heavy.

A lost feeling for four years. Ready to put aside old fears.

After just a couple conversations, the connection sparked elation.

He has my focused concentration- I even canceled another date.

Just the sound of his voice takes my mind to our potential fate.

And Father time will make me wait.

For our eyes never foresee. It could be a fraudulent feeling,

Like the nigga I wrote about last week.

Another pour of the green tea.

An elderly man is staring at me.

I just wonder if he wonders all of the same things about me.

Another glance at the empty chair. Again, I imagine the Prince was there.

And then a deep inhale of air

I request the check, adjust my neck,

 I peace up out of there.

Driving home- enjoying the breeze. Biscayne wind blowing the palm trees.

I blast Drake just to escape, the mental blank and space within.

I try my best not to sin- I thank the Lord for letting me breathe.

Almost home.

All alone.

Wondering what He has in store for

We.