Not you but Me

We became secret lovers- but started like public friends- 

A deep relationship-but no title can represent;

Or so he says..So I say 'cool.'

I’ll play the part- from start to go- long as he know,

no other lady better come between us;

don’t care if she's sweeter than Sadie –

but then I think again; second guess and question, maybe- 

I’ll bend the rules, if I do choose for a man that can save me;

a man who steps up, don’t give a fuck, game is tight, his pockets right, consistent fight,

and think about me beyond the nasty we did during the night;

yes, that would be ideal-

but, let me not jump the gun,

cuz' shooting yourself in the foot is not how any victor ever won;  

He says ‘girl you so special’ but he’s not ready for commitment-

I just continue to pretend - his rationale, I can't comprehend-

As we continue to swim- this pool of lust could drown Michael Phelps-

backstroke,

frontstroke,

Olympic dives for my deepest prize; the ecstasy between my thighs; the passion deep within his eyes-

I get seasick from this shit; but I can’t leave his pool so quick- 

winning is never really easy and I’m just not ready to quit-

It truly fucks up my mind and distorts my reality;

but I just pardon this cuz' the word says 'as a man thinketh then so is he'-

So it must be real, he must be true, he must be the only one for me

and I continue to lose myself in this jagged complexity. 

Losing sight of all that's right; sacrificing my dignity. 

Seemingly slave to a cave of physical rhapsody.

But I sadly been through this be-4 –so give me an A for letting it B-

I guess at times I'm 2 blind to C because he has the most amazing D-

feels like I’m on E whenever he’s inside of me. So as we F and he touches my G-

I continue to two-step to his rhythm-

a dark twisted fantasy; I don't know how to shake it off;

if only I had strength and could- alone then I would be- 

but the night time is so dark, and so chilly are my sheets-

and so empty is my house; so i call him to take off my blouse-

I cannot fight the urge; afraid of my inner capacity- 

but I continue to play his game until I can come to grips with

Me.